How the 'Cry it Out' Method Creates a Foundation for Narcissism.
Think about it - you’re a helpless infant, you are unable to walk or talk. Your only means of verbal communication is to cry or gurgle or laugh. You are in your cot alone and feel afraid and vulnerable, so you begin to cry. Your parent believes that you are trying to manipulate them into responding so they ignore you. Does this make a crying infant learn a lesson? Yes, but not the lesson you’re hoping they’ll learn. Instead they learn that they are alone in the world, they are helpless and unsupported.
You are sowing the seeds of narcissism without even knowing it.
The base chakra refers to our connection to the earth, to worldly matters related to our survival. Our job , home, health, income are all connected to the base chakra. It is heavily affected by attachment trauma in infancy and childhood. When we don’t receive the security, stability and nurture that we require to feel safe, we spend our lives trying to recreate this sense of security.
Much like a tree needs to anchor its roots into the soil to give it the stability it needs to grow and flourish, so too do we need to create a solid foundation for ourselves so that we can be comfortable knowing that all our basic survival needs will be taken care of.
Teaching a helpless infant to self-soothe goes against our biological imperative to be part of a community. We are born into a collective who together are responsible for sustaining the community in which we live. Learning the lesson in infancy that we are responsible for our own survival sets us on a course of 'us against the world' for the rest of our lives. We see ourselves as separate from one another, rather than connected and depending on each other for our survival. Pervasive feelings of loneliness start here, which, combined with our new skills of self-soothing are a foundation for addiction. We try to mask the feelings of loneliness with substances, sex or anything else that can fill the void.
A constant need to ‘work’ is often not a sign of passion, commitment or strength, but a sign that you are controlling your need to feel safe. Sadly, working hard is never going to meet the need for survival that you hope it will. You are motivated by fear - a fear that if you stop you won’t survive.
The idea that we alone are responsible for our survival is based in childhood attachment trauma. A wounded root chakra stays in fear and limitation. It prevents itself from taking risks or making choices from the heart. You might burn the candle at both ends but never quite feel that you have reached your destination.
Trauma is not limited to grandiose and horrific events. The constant and seemingly innocuous betrayal of self that is commonplace in our society is as much a valid source of trauma. The absence of emotional nurture, dismissal of feelings, and strict discipline all erode our sense of self, connection to others and feelings of safety in the world. They take our power away, we feel like that helpless infant - unable to trust that we will be supported.
What if I told you the way to step off the treadmill, the way to find the happiness, ease, flow and peace in your life is to do what feels counter-intuitive? To surrender to the unknown, to follow your dreams and trust that you will be supported every step of the way.
Fear is the enemy of happiness.
Fear tells us we are not worthy of love, support and connection.
Fear tells us that nothing will ever be different.
Yet that little glimmer of desire, hope, yearning within, for a life that is connected, expansive and deeply loving, that is your core truth. That is your deep inner knowing that there IS more, there IS another way. But the only way to get there is THROUGH the fear - not around it.
Are you willing to surrender control? To lean into discomfort and see what might be possible if you make choices from the heart?
You can start today:
Make a list of 5 things you would do right now if you knew you would be supported.
Then every day for the next 30 days take one step towards them. In one month from now you will be surprised at the opportunities you have created for yourself.
There is a whole wide world of possibility available to you if you open yourself up to the idea that you are part of a connected community that needs you to show up authentically and wants you to live your best life!
Be brave, surrender the fear and make choices from the heart. Separation is an illusion - we are ALL connected and collectively responsible for each other's survival.